That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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