Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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