I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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