Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize