Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
