I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
