Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
