Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
