where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
