dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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