I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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