Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
