If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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