i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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