I hate your face
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
