Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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