My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
