I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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