I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize