Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
