had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
