i think i have two assholes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
