I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
