Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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