people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
