He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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