You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
