I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so let's talk penis.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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