This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
