going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
