I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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