he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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