What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
