Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
