Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
