she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
