Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
