there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
