I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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