That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
