Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
