do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
