Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
