hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
