She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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