I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
there is puke in my bra ... again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
