I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I want is dick and wine.
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