This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
