Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
