Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize