wanna go halves on a baby?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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