Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
