ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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