I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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