A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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