I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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