the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
