I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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