the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
