Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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