the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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