Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
