I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
