hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
