Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
