Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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