is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What drink are we having for lunch?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize