Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
