He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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