there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
