You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Two words: blizzard sex
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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