i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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