Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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