What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize