There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
