It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
