i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
