I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Send help, water and tortillas.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
