margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize