just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
