My cat gives me a boner
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
