i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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