I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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