how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
