What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she pinky promised me she was 18
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
