So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
