I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize