It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
