Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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