you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
