I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
