my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
