capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize