i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
