He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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