**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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