U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
