so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
