The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize