I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
