I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
