You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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