My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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