the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize