fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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