it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
