I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am available for nakedness
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
