I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
