I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
