the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
