Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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