WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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