Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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