lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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